Ramadan, Eid & Corona
Unprecedented times, we are living in unprecedented times, the times that we are living in is unprecedented. Currently we were unable to precedent the times we are living in.
Do I sound a little mad? Let me explain. Over the last few months the word that has been used to describe our current situation has been “unprecedented”. Meaning that we are living through a time that is without previous instance; never before known or experienced; unexampled or unparalleled.
Which I think is a bit of a stretch but then again I have been insulated, shielded and living in semi-bliss through this pandemic. In many ways these last 2 months have been a rebirth of my spirit and before I lose you with my inspirational-speaker speech let me say that this rebirth has been terrible, horrifying thing. The after-birth is kind of nasty and there was loads of shouting involved (most of it inside my own head, some aimed at the TV as I watched La Casa de Papel).
These past 2 months has helped me relate, relax and release, much like Issa from Insecure I am finding my footing, even if it is on shaking ground. I have been forced to cut down on social activities and spend time in-doors on a constant basis and this has done something to people as it has to me - it has made us confront ourselves, the person we are running away from the most. Prior to the pandemic, the holy month and Eid I was able to drown my demons in substances, I could indulge my wants and promise to do better “tomorrow” or “next week” depending on the level of debauchery I found myself in. This has changed.
I am not “fixed”. I will never be “fixed”, but I am less broken, less beaten down, less lonely in spirit and in person. For that I am thankful.
Spending hours in prayer, in supplication pushed me into a state of near delirious humility and with that my prayers changed. I no longer want to want, first and foremost I want to appreciate all that has been granted to me. I live the life of a penniless “artist” (podcasting is a modern art, fight me on twitter later) I can only be thankful.
Thankful for my family, for the friends that treat me like family, for the family of my friends welcoming me like family.
I can’t help but think of the myself over the last few years spending all my time in near tears, wrapping fear around me like a fur coat. And in a material sense not much has changed since. I am not doing exceptionally well at work, I don’t have a ton of money, the relationship I have with my family remains fractured, my friends continue to piss me off.
Yet I feel amazing, capable of giving joy and accepting love at rates I did not know existed.
And this is because, in the words of Mariem Mamoudi, “Ramadan is a rejection of what modern world forces onto humanity: gluttony, hyper-consumption, the mechanization of time and the obsession to exercise control over our lives”.
Over-consumption and over-indulgence brought me to my knees, I do not plan on ending up there once again. The yellow brick road to living a well-lived life is, as I have discovered, radical gratitude. If anything should consume me let it be my appreciation for all things big and small that I have been granted.
Eid Mubarak my loves.
xoxo A girl that hopes to gossip less.